A New York Winter’s Tale * (2014, Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt, Eva Marie Saint) – Movie Review

Colin Farrell draws the short straw as middle-aged Irish burglar Peter Lake, who tries to rob a huge mansion on the Upper West Side in a New York winter. He thinks the house is empty, but the family’s daughter is home, sparking his love for Beverly Penn (Jessica Brown Findlay), a beautiful dying girl, the daughter of the grave and sombre Isaac (William Hurt).

Farrell’s being relentlessly pursued by a gang of black-clad, bowler-hatted enforcers led by evil, demonic Pearly Soames, played by Russell Crowe, giving the same performance he did in Les Mis, but thankfully without the singing. Luckily for him, Farrell’s got a meaningfully symbolic (and sometimes winged) white horse that regularly turns up to get him out of trouble.

Well, then, years and years later, a still middle-aged Farrell gets to meet Young Willa (Mckayla Twiggs), who’s also dying, and her mother Virginia Gamely (Jennifer Connelly), a surprisingly helpful and trusting journalist.

Pretentious, ponderous, slow and irritating with some terrible, embarrassing dialogue, the quasi-religious, cosmically inclined A New York Winter’s Tale is supposedly all about life, love and death, saints and sinners, angels and demons, and the afterlife. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all got together after we died and were stars! We can all twinkle together! Well, really! It’s glossy schmaltzy romantic tosh to the nth degree. I’m imagining most people will probably reject it, but some might fall for its hook, line and sinker.

Will Smith’s arch and camp cameo as the Devil (or Judge) is another low spot. With Caleb Deschanel’s cinematography and Naomi Shohan’s production designs outstanding, the film looks good but the acting, direction, score and effects are all on the moderate side. The older actors get by on experience and automatic pilot but the inexperience of Findlay and Twiggs shows. Eva Marie Saint appears as an old media magnate, and that’s very nice, but again they haven’t given her anything useful to do.

It was reported that Martin Scorsese had originally purchased the film rights to Winter’s Tale, but he backed out, saying it was unfilmable. If so, he was right. Director Akiva Goldsman is the man to blame (or praise if you like) as he also wrote the screenplay, adapting Mark Helprin’s novel. Producer Goldsman is making his first feature as director. I think Goldsman’s very sincere and full of good intentions. But, unfortunately, that doesn’t lead to heaven.

© Derek Winnert 2014 derekwinnert.com