Absolutely Anything * (2015, Simon Pegg, Kate Beckinsale, voice of Robin Williams) – Movie Review

Absolutely Anything… except laughs. Well, to be fair, there are a couple of chuckles in co-writer/director Terry Jones‘s struggling sci-fi comedy, a lesser variant of Bruce Almighty. It plays like an update on a cosy Fifties British comedy with a few four-letter words that fans of this kind of old-fashioned fantasy romcom won’t appreciate.

Simon Pegg does the Simon Pegg turn yet again as hapless schoolteacher Neil Clarke, who just happens to be the man a group of eccentric aliens give the power to do absolutely anything, as an experiment. The Extraterrestrial council is voiced by Jones’s pals, the five remaining members of the Monty Python team, which is fine, and amusing enough. Naturally, the alien have girls’ names. John Cleese’s is Sharon, popular in Australia apparently. Yes, amusing enough. And the alien effects are reasonably done too. All good.

Jones has also persuaded Robin Williams to provide voice of Pegg’s dog, which is fine, and would have been really funny if the smutty gags promised in the valedictory clip of the star in the end credits were given free reign in the movie. Alas, however, this is Robin Williams leashed, speaking tame dialogue that the audience who wouldn’t like the four-letter words would be supposed to like, but probably won’t, as his lines are simply not funny.

I guess I also feel a bit sorry or Pegg, who tries all he knows to raise laughs, but they mostly just aren’t there, exposing him harshly. As the film is already unkindly being spoken of as AKA the Simon Pegg turkey, it’s Pegg who’ll be the fall guy. [However, as I write, it has an astonishingly high 8.2 vote on the IMDb, so maybe there’s no need to feel sorry for anyone after all.]

And then there’s Kate Beckinsale, Pegg’s neighbour, whom he lusts after. Kate Beckinsale is a charming woman when she’s not battling some foe in an action movie, but she doesn’t seem to be a funny person or a romcom type of gal, at least on this form. Then again, the role, though plentiful, does her no favours. Her assumption that Pegg’s character is gay – twice in the movie! – is dumb and pretty rancid. The second time Pegg is talking to his dog, and Beckinsale thinks he’s talking to his live-in male lover for just no reason at all. How dumb could Beckinsale’s character be? Oh, this dumb, apparently.

Then Beckinsale is being pursued by her lecherous BBC boss (Robert Bathurst) and also by a creepy American stalker (Rob Riggle), all of which leads to no laughs at all, but to a lot of uncomfortable situations that you want to turn away from.

Joanna Lumley is typically wasted as a bitchy TV personality, Meera Syal has an unpleasant role as Pegg’s annoying and annoyed neighbour, and Sanjeev Bhaskar is struggling as Pegg’s teacher buddy Ray, who creepily fancies attractive colleague Miss Pringle (Emma Pierson). The film really isn’t good about women. Eddie Izzard, however, does manage to raise the odd chuckle as Pegg’s headteacher.

That’s it. The out-moded nature of Terry Jones‘s comedy is emphasised by George Fenton’s antiquated Britcom music score and the grotty look of the film in Peter Hannan’s photography. Did I mention the dog is really cute?

© Derek Winnert 2015 Movie Review

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