Escape Plan *** (2013, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 50 Cent, Vinnie Jones, Sam Neill, Jim Caviezel) – Film Review

It’s great to have Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger back on screen together and it’s good that this is old-fashioned bruiser stuff. Highly appropriately, it’s a very 80s-style vehicle with a very B-movie feel, tailored exactly right for them.

Stallone stars as Ray Beslin, a structural-security expert who is the victim of a set-up. He’s incarcerated in the world’s most secret and secure prison, but luckily he has plenty of knowledge and skills to help him escape. And he finds a secret weapon in jail, German-speaking Emil Rottmayer (Schwarzenegger), who, after a bit of a bad start is going to help him from the inside.

The movie’s a painless action thriller that moves pretty swiftly so you don’t get bored. The only real problem is, the film’s all a bit so what? It will provide perfect fodder for TV in a couple of years, but I’m afraid that in the cinema we expect so much more.

Despite all the ridiculous things we see happening on screen thanks to the magic of CGI, the movie takes itself deadly seriously. There’s not enough humour, hardly any in fact. Sly and Arnie need to play to their strengths, and humour is their main strength now they’re old guys. Still, Stallone and Schwarzenegger are fine, good value as always, and better than the movie. With less to do and some better lines, Arnie comes off best.

Some of the dialogue’s a bit clunky, but it’s not too bad. And the action when it comes is well, indeed excitingly, staged, though it would better to be able to believe it was actually happening or even possible.

Vinnie Jones is terrible as the villain’s henchman, so you really cheer when he’s killed. Sam Neill’s poor and uninvolved seeming as the jail’s doctor Dr Kyrie, but surprise choice Jim Caviezel’s fine as the hissable jail governor, Hobbes. Obviously you really cheer when he’s finally killed too, that’s the whole point.

An older, quirkier actor like Donald Sutherland or Christopher Walken would have done it better, but Caviezel gets by giving a masterclass in how to be menacingly camp, like a Bond villain I guess.

A character-driven action film like Arnie’s earlier 2013 movie The Last Stand is a much better route for the old guys to go. Still now there’s The Expendables 3 to look forward to, with another old guy in Harrison Ford.

© Derek Winnert 2013 derekwinnert.com