Mortdecai ** (2015, Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Ewan McGregor, Paul Bettany, Olivia Munn, Jeff Goldblum) – Movie Review

‘Sophistication has a name’ is the dangerous claim in the tagline for this remarkably unsophisticated movie. Johnny Depp stars in director David Koepp’s caper comedy as roguish, debonair English art dealer Charlie Mortdecai, who has to battle angry Russians, the MI5, his sexy wife (Gwyneth Paltrow) who disapproves of his moustache, an amorous copper (Ewan McGregor) who’s after his wife and an international terrorist.

Kyril Bonfiglioli‘s well-regarded cult novel Don’t Point That Thing at Me, the first of a trilogy (they were clearly thinking franchise), doesn’t translate too well to screen in Eric Aronson‘s slack and lazy screenplay with some nonsense about a race to recover a stolen painting rumoured to contain the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi gold.

The three stars, plus Paul Bettany as Mortdecai’s cockney bruiser manservant Jock Strapp, seem miscast and ill at ease, stranded by the script that forces them to be arch and start mugging desperately. The three stars aren’t really right trying to play English, and it isn’t Bettany’s fault that he can’t really perform a role that would be perfect for Jason Statham, though he still comes out best of the quartet. And it isn’t Paltrow’s or McGregor’s fault that they have little chemistry with Depp or each other.

The script’s full of mismanaged jokes, some of which are too smutty, and many of which will baffle Americans, who must be the target audience. What will jokey references to Wales or Eton mean in the US? Take the key joke about Mortdecai’s moustache, for example. It isn’t funny, is repeated over and over, and eventually has a lame, stale payoff as Mortdecai gets in an elevator among the hairy-faced Californians.

It looks like a costly movie, so production values are high. Maybe some people will like the campy retro the score by Geoff Zanelli. It’s nice that Jeff Goldblum’s in the cast but he is completely wasted as art lover Krampf. There are three car chases to liven things up, but even these are fairly lame.

If people don’t like the movie, it’s Depp who will end up with the blame. He goes energetically through his comedy schtick, like he’s playing Pirates of the Caribbean. But he’s no Peter Sellers, who could, just maybe, have made this work 50 years ago.

It reminded me of the second Inspector Clouseau movie, A Shot in the Dark, with elements of the 1991 Bruce Willis caper, Hudson Hawk. Except that it’s nowhere near as successful as they are. There’s rightly a lot of admiration, sympathy and support for Depp. Remember how brilliant he was in Edward Scissorhands or Ed Wood? But here, he can often be quite tiresome.

I don’t want to be too hard on it. All it’s trying to do is amuse and make us laugh, and it has a decent spirit and there are a few chuckles.

Unfairly, the London Film Critics Circle voted it their 2015 Turkey of the Year.

It grossed just $47.3 million – only $7.7 million of it at the American box office – on a $60 million budget. Depp was named Hollywood’s most overpaid actor in 2015, returning only $1.20 for every $1 he was paid on Mortdecai and Transcendence.

© Derek Winnert 2015 Movie Review

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