The Meg * (2018, Jason Statham, Bingbing Li, Rainn Wilson) – Movie Review

Okay, so we are not expecting a remake of Citizen Kane any time soon from Jason Statham, but really The Meg’s pretty much the dregs. It says something about where we are today that this is the biggest movie release of this particular week (10 August 2018).

Its pitiful attempts at being amusing get in the way of its actually being funny as a so-bad-it’s-good monster movie. The shoddy film-making, several really bad performances, the horrible script with its naff story and terrible dialogue, all get in the way of its actually being a good monster movie. The dialogue veers from unwitty banter to sentimental slop. Everything is signalled ahead of time and there’s not a surprise, shock or scare in sight. Alas poor Statham. He deserves better.

Statham emerges relatively unscathed, but it’s not exactly a good performance. Among his humble supporting crew, there’s even an annoying little girl and an annoying little dog too. Rainn Wilson is a pain as the comedic villainous billionaire boss.

I should say that The Meg’s a monster shark movie, with two of the 70ft monsters – somehow revived ancient megalodons – swimming around in the sea near China, and that Statham plays heroic Jonas Taylor, who is called back to the sea to help save his ex-wife trapped in a sunken submersible. Then he has to keep saving more and more people, till the writers run out of people to save. That’s it.

The Meg plays like a Z-grade B-movie, which is its main charm and allure, so it is a shock to find it cost $150,000,000. Its effects and CGI are truly ropey, all adding up to one of the most unconvincing shark monster movies since, well since Steven Spielberg’s actual plastic shark in Jaws. Or I should say since the masterpiece of badness that is Jaws: The Revenge (1987).

Yes, hooray, it isn’t actually a sequel or remake but it feels exactly like it is, it is so comfortable and familiar. A deadly giant shark movie comfortable and familiar? Yes really! Other than the infinitely better (of course) Jaws, the film The Meg most recalls is Skyscraper – it’s the same, desperate derivative kind of stuff.

And that is the fin-ish. (They should have got Albert fin-ney to do a cameo).

© Derek Winnert 2018 Movie Review

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